Anyone who has been through a divorce can confirm that even in the most amiable situations, it is not easy. When children are involved, it is exponentially more complicated and more emotional. Money is always a difficult topic, but when you throw it in the mix with divorce and children, it can get very ugly, which is why it is important to find practical ways to keep a level head while negotiating the details of custody, visitation and child support. The main thing to remember is that there are professionals to help with this process.Finding a good child support attorney can smooth the road for both sides.
The single most important thing for both divorcing parents to remember is that however upsetting the divorce is, the children must come first. They are the ones who are most vulnerable in all of this. The goal of both parents should be to protect the children from even hearing about any conflict, especially conflict that relates to them such as custody and child support. Besides, the less the children are worried about such details, the easier it is for the adults to stay positive. The children will be worried about enough. Here are some tips to keep things as positive as possible during a divorce.
– Do talk to the children and explain how the new living arrangements will affect them. Do not criticize the other parent or discuss finances with the kids. Focus on the concrete changes in their lives. Will they move or change schools? If so, will they be able to continue with their regular activities, sports, after school classes, etc.? Will they keep their furniture and any pets? When will they get to see their friends? Tell the children clearly that both of their parents love them, and the divorce is because of adult problems, not them.
– Avoid conflict with the other parent. Definitely do not argue in front of the children or anywhere it is possible for them to overhear. Let the lawyers go to battle on your behalf. If the other parent brings up any details, whether the comments are positive or negative, just smile and say in a calm voice, ‘lets leave that to the attorneys.
– Get emotional support for yourself. Whether it is a relative, close friend, professional counselor or support group, find someone who can listen when you need to vent or cry. It is a very emotional time, and it will be easier to keep those difficult emotions under control around the children if you know you can vent them later when it is appropriate.
A wide range of professionals are available to help families through the divorce process with minimal pain. Nothing can make it easy, but getting help can make a real difference.
At a minimum, it is good to line up a counselor for the children, a counselor or support group for each parent and a good child support attorney.
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