Think of your best friend, your sibling, a work colleague or even that stranger sitting at a bus stop and ask yourself a simple question: do they deserve love? Well, of course they do, you’re surely saying. Everybody deserves love. Now, look in the mirror, take a deep breath and ask yourself that same question: “Do I deserve love?”
When Low Self Esteem Becomes a Sexual Problem
There are myriad reasons we suffer feelings of unworthiness, inadequacy and the secret inkling that we’re just not good enough for our job/partner/parents/kids/insert-anything-else-you-like-here. Those feelings can range from a slight wobble to a lifelong struggle that can disable your emotions and seep into every aspect of your closest relationships.
If you suffer from low self esteem it’s impossible for those feelings not to permeate your sex life. After all, if you don’t believe that you deserve love, respect, happiness and acknowledgement in your day-today life, how can you believe you deserve intimate, satisfying and mutually fulfilling sex?
Sabotaging Self Talk
At the core of low sexual esteem is your own secret nagging self talk. You know the voice we mean. Always there, whispering in your ear whenever things start to go well. What do you really think of your own prowess between the sheets? Do you secretly think you can’t “do” sex very well at all? Do you tell yourself you’re barely competent or, worse, just plain bad in bed?
Trauma
Any kind of past trauma, either physical or emotional, can leave our feelings about ourselves and our abilities in tatters, and research shows that women who have suffered these kinds of trauma very often have issues around intimacy and sex. While some may shy away from it, others engage in promiscuous behaviour and dangerous sexual practices.
Societal Pressures
But it’s important to note that not everyone who suffers from sexual esteem issues has been abused or traumatised. There are myriad reasons why, as women, we feel pressured by society to be or act a certain way. These include weight, body image, and simply being “of a certain age” in a world that worships at the altar of youth and perceived beauty.
According to studies, overweight women are far more likely to feel unattractive and are therefore reluctant to get undressed. They tend to suffer more from reduced desire and try to avoid sexual activity altogether. And the tragedy is that, as women, the worse we feel about ourselves, the less likely we are to seek help.
Don’t Suffer in Silence
If any of these points resonate with you, you could be suffering from sexual esteem issues. But if you think you really don’t know how to make sex better for yourself, take heart. It is possible to move forward into a positive, fulfilling and sensual love life by tackling your core issues. You might get a break through by working on your body image to become empowered to love yourself no matter what your shape, size or age. Or you might get there by facing up to past events with the help of a qualified therapist, or working on any physical problems that may affect your libido
How to Make Sex Better with OM
One of the most innovative and successful ways women can discover how to make sex better is through orgasmic meditation. If you can look at low sexual self esteem not as a problem you have to endure or cure alone, but as something that can be addressed with love, empathy, connection and attention, the philosophies of orgasmic meditation are in perfect alignment. OM’s conscious practice involves both partners and combines the power of meditation with the deep connection of orgasm, to enhance spiritual and physical health and happiness.
Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg is a director at TurnOn Britain and a qualified OneTaste coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer. She works with both couples and singles, teaching them how to make sex better by tuning into their body and intuition.
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