For some women who live with the condition of anorgasmia, the inability to achieve an orgasm is temporary; others have never and may never experience a sexual climax, with the reasons quite often remaining a mystery.
While the female orgasm now gets as much attention as the male climax, the question among therapists dealing with anorgasmia is whether so much focus should even be placed on the end game. If you’re unable to reach climax, does it really matter?
In Search of the Female Orgasm
In recent years there’s been a lot of medical research surrounding the female orgasm. It’s no secret that it plays an important role in the pleasure gained from masturbation and sex, and the perception that the main aim of intimacy between couples is simply the male climax is now well and truly dead between the sheets.
Of course, that kind of sexual liberation is wonderful news for the majority of women, but somewhat less so for the estimated 10-15% who can’t achieve climax (although stats on this are quite cloudy and can’t be considered too reliable). The effect of anorgasmia on a woman’s mental and physical health can range from frustration to full-blown depression, and the fear of “missing out” on something that’s perceived as being so important can cause ongoing sexual and relationship issues.
Treatment Options
There can be any number of causes for the condition, but experts say the problem is rarely physical (although vaginismus can certainly be a factor). The vast majority of cases are a result of psychological reasons. The inability to “let go” of inhibitions is quite often at the root, and undergoing sexual or psychosexual therapy may facilitate the release of such blockages. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is another treatment that works for some people, but the commitment and costs required are often a deterrent. Other women are able to work through the condition over time using a self-help approach, by experimenting with vibrators during masturbation.
Acceptance is the Answer
But while many women simply live with anorgasmia because they feel they have no choice, or are too embarrassed to seek help, many experts believe that that orgasm should not be used as the definition of sexual fulfilment. If a woman is able to accept the fact that the climax is not the “be all and end all” of a sexual experience, it affords her the permission to enjoy a sexual act that does not result in climax and be completely comfortable with that.
Try Orgasmic Meditation
Alternative practices like Orgasmic Meditation (OM) can be wonderful therapy for women learning to nurture acceptance of anorgasmia. The partnered practice of OM uses the power of meditation to achieve what’s called an “orgasmic state”, rather than focusing on a few seconds of pleasure during climax. During a 15-minute OM session, one partner continuously strokes the other’s clitoris with no goal other than to be in the moment. Taking away the pressure of climax enables practitioners the freedom to enter a higher level of consciousness, which has a ripple effect into every area of their lives, including, of course, sex.
While the condition can be isolating for some women, understanding that it’s far more common than you might think goes a long way towards acceptance. The truth is, climax may happen, or it might not; but when you stop obsessing about the “end goal”, you’ll discover there’s so much more to sexual fulfilment, and there’s absolutely no reason it needs to be entirely focused around the Big O.
Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg is a director at TurnOn Britain and a qualified OneTaste coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer. She works with both couples and singles, teaching them how to tap into the power of the female orgasm and use it to fuel their lives and relationships.
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