How’s your sex life? Good? Bad? Fair? Don’t care? There’s an emerging philosophy that any other response other than “out-of-this-world-mind-blowingly-good” is simply unacceptable. But why should our dysfunctional and cloying western cultural attitudes towards sex prevent us from enjoying one of the most powerful connections we, as humans, have been afforded? It’s a pretty good question.
How to Make Sex Better
When the very fabric of culture changes, it does so slowly – sometimes over decades or even centuries. But not all evolution in culture is progressive, and sex is one area in which we’ve definitely become more closed down. Whatever happened to the freedom of those fabulous Swinging 60s? Promoting the ideals of life enhancing intimate sex, whether within a committed partnership or not, needs to be a collective and conscious transformation. Aka a cultural shift.
If you really want to learn how to make sex better, you need to open yourself up to becoming part of the change that you want to see. In other words, change your own negative thinking and effectively create a new sexual culture in your life.
Taking Sex to the Next Level
The term “next level” has become part of our modern vernacular, but in terms of intimacy what does that really mean? Harder, longer, faster sex? More climaxes? More partners? Well, perhaps all of those would contribute, but achieving true “next level” intimacy requires a mammoth leap of faith in facing up to your own vulnerability, blocks and deep-seated cultural dysfunction. Luckily, there are some very basic ways for the willing sexual revolutionist to enact change.
Trust in Desire
As women, we’re conditioned to supress our desires lest we be labelled promiscuous, a man-eater or any number of other negative terms. But if, instead of suppressing our desires, we listen to them, honour them and trust them, with all that spare energy we gain the ability to tune in to ourselves and others on a far deeper level. Trusting in your desires facilitates connection and, ultimately, liberation.
Go Within With OM
Meditation allows us to focus our attention and enhances our ability to feel. For many people, simply practicing some short, simple meditations allows them to see the world (and the people with whom they interact) in a genuinely enlightened way. Taking it one step further, the practice of Orgasmic Meditation (OM) combines the power of meditation with the deeply felt experience of orgasm.
When you’re learning how to make sex better, practicing OM can be an extremely powerful technique. The 15-minute partnered practice involves one partner continually stroking the other’s clitoris with no other aim except to be fully present. OMers are able to reach a “state of orgasm”, rather than a few seconds of climax. This takes them to an optimal level of consciousness, which has positive effects in every area of their life, including sex, healing from trauma and intimacy.
Take the First Step to Change
The first step towards creating a new sexual culture in your life starts with an honest and conscious expression of your desires. So… how’s your sex life?
Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg is a director at TurnOn Britain and a qualified OneTaste coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer. She works with both couples and singles, teaching them how to make sex better by tuning into their body and intuition.
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