As busy working women, at times it seems like we wear our busy-ness as a badge of honour. It’s all too easy to fill every waking moment with to do lists, meetings, networking and housework, and blame our lack of spare time on being just so damn indispensable. But if you’re a single woman, being “too busy to date” (aka too busy for sex!) can be an easy way of ignoring the real reasons you’re avoiding an intimate relationship.
Of course, there are plenty of happy single women in the world, but that’s not the issue here. If, in your heart, you’re yearning to find that special someone, but you seem to be too busy for love and sexual pleasure, the problem could be something else entirely. Learning how to change your life to let love in may just be a matter of being honest with yourself.
The Excuse: “I have nothing to offer a partner.” If you spend 14-hour days and weekends at work, what time are you going to have left to devote to a partner? Who’s going to put up with that? Isn’t love supposed to be long romantic dinners and endless summer holidays? If you can only offer snatched moments of time here and there, that’s just not fair on the other person. Right?
The Reality: Look around you. Life happens. We all get the same 24 hours in a day and the reality is that the struggle of not enough time is universal. But here’s the thing: the most successful relationships happen not on a romantic film set, but in the chaos of real, everyday lives. When two busy people meet and connect with openness, there’s a wonderful opportunity for them to learn and grow together. They understand each other’s challenges and can relate to the pressures the other is going through. In today’s super connected world, you don’t have to live in each other’s pockets and, even if you only see each other physically once or twice a week, technology allows you be in constant contact.
The Excuse: “I’m better on my own”. Nobody would argue with you when you say that no relationship is better than a bad relationship, because every aspect of your life is affected by being with the wrong person. You lose focus and concentration, your productivity goes down, you eat and drink too much and you’re moody. So, really, nobody could blame you for not wanting to head back down that road again!
The Reality: Fact: when you meet the right person, it’s an entirely different story. You’ll feel tougher, more confident and ready to take on the world and all it can throw at you with a supportive, loving partner at your side. The beauty of an equal, intimate relationship is that the strength of the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts – united you stand. Want to really know how to change your life? Stay open to the possibility that not every relationship is like your last bad one.
The Excuse: “I really, really don’t have time. Really.” Seriously, you work all day and come home and fall into bed (alone), then on the weekends it’s more of the same or else you’re catching up with friends and family. You really, really don’t have time, do you?
The Reality: You do. You’re just prioritising other things. Scientific studies show that people in relationships are (generally) happier than those who aren’t. And isn’t happiness what it’s all about? What else is the point of toiling away all day and every day just to pay the bills? And the funny thing is, when you start prioritising self-care and open yourself up to finding love, statistics prove that you actually perform better at work! It appears that happy, in-love people are more motivated to succeed than singletons. Apologies for the home truths.
Be Open to Learning How to Change your Life
If any of these excuses ring true for you (be honest!), perhaps it’s time to learn how to change your life and make time for love – or at least sex. Start online dating, rework your schedule, and just make some subtle changes to make time in your busy life for you. What’s wrong with a lunchtime date? For that matter, how about a breakfast date? The key is to take down your roadblocks and to be open to meeting someone, and the first step is being honest about the excuses that you’re making to yourself. And, when it’s the right someone, suddenly those 24 little hours just seem to stretch a little further…
Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg is a director at TurnOn Britain and a qualified OneTaste coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer. She works with both couples and singles and can teach you how to change your life to achieve intimacy with your partner or aid recovery from trauma by tuning into your body and intuition.
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