Guys, we need to talk. While you’re all busy trying to work out how to attract women, we’re all busy trying to work out how to keep you interested once we’ve got you. It’s true. No matter what our gender, we poor humans spend a great deal of our lives in a state of insecurity – about our work, our relationships and most definitely our own sexual appeal. Men, in particular, often feel defined by their sexual performance, and feelings of inadequacy in that department can lead to stress, depression and lasting problems with intimacy if left unaddressed.
The first step to understanding how to build confidence in the bedroom is accepting that lasting change must come from within.
Be Present
Where were you the last time you had sex? No matter where you were physically (bed, car, broom closet), chances are that your mind was elsewhere – worrying about your performance, what you look like from that angle and, perhaps, if you’ll be finished in time to watch the football. Learning to engage in mindful sex is one of the most valuable tips of all if you want to know how to build confidence in your own sexuality. If you practice being “in the moment” and really experiencing every sensation, sight and emotion of sex, you’ll focus more on the “now” and less on the anxiety of “what if”. As well as improving your self-confidence, you’ll become a far more knowledgeable and attentive lover if you learn the intricacies of the female body.
Consider Therapy
Many men (sorry to generalise but you know it’s true) consider therapy a last ditch solution to a problem. But when it comes to learning how to build confidence between the sheets, forewarned is forearmed. If you’re having health problems you visit your doctor, right? So if you’re having problems achieving a fulfilling sex life there’s no shame in seeking professional help to overcome them through learning more about yourself. You could attend a single session with a long list of questions to which you’ve always wanted answers but never had anyone to ask. Alternatively you could find yourself a regular therapist to work on some deeper, long term issues. Asking for professional help could be the best thing you ever did. Even if you’re in a committed relationship, engaging a therapist can help you address issues and insecurities that are holding you back from true intimacy.
Practice Orgasmic Meditation
Learning how to build confidence in the most intimate aspect of your life can be both challenging and confronting. But it’s only by pushing through your own barriers that you can evolve to become the very best version of yourself. Being open to new experiences is key to self-improvement, particularly when it comes to sexual confidence. Embracing a practice such as orgasmic meditation will furnish you with the tools to forge deep connections with women, and to tap into emotions with an intensity you may never have felt before. Orgasmic meditation is a partnered consciousness practice, in which one strokes the woman’s clitoris for 15 minutes, for no other purpose than to be truly present in the act. Surrendering to this deeply intimate practice allows you to experience your vulnerabilities and insecurities in a safe and nurturing space, which can have positive effects in all areas of your life – not just sex.
Learning how to build confidence and sexual self-esteem starts with being present, building connections and opening your mind to new ideas. So, are you ready?
Juliette Karaman-van Schaardenburg is a director at TurnOn Britain and a qualified OneTaste coach and Orgasmic Meditation trainer. She works with both couples and singles, teaching them how to build confidence and aid in recovery from trauma by tuning into their body and intuition.
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